Memorable Moments in an Alien World











{April 19, 2012}   The Unwritten Rule

In my brief time in LA, I have been perpetually struck by the plethora RIDICULOUS vehicles, driven in such an arrogant, preposterous manner. Since my move here, I have clenched my teeth and closed my eyes, expecting the terrible sound of metal against metal so often that I have entirely lost count.

Yet, that is not what disturbs me most.

You are probably not wondering what it is that disturbs me, but for the two of you out there that are dying to know, let me inform you by way of a story.

A few weeks ago, I took my class to a local park and they got some good old-fashioned exercise. Kicking a soccer ball around, working on their gross and fine motor skills, practicing throwing and catching a Frisbee (which is helping them cross midline – super-important!) and enjoying a beautiful southern California afternoon.

But I wasn’t enjoying myself. I was freaking out. Why? The street next to the park was lined with countless spotless priceless vehicles, all of which looked like they just rolled off the showroom floor. Gleaming in the sun, they seemed to beckon to the soccer ball and Frisbees, “Come, come and dent me!”

To my horror, these objects that I OWNED seemed to consistently respond, “Yes, we will dent you with fury!” To this day, I swear that there were angels surrounding these cars because there was such an abundance of close calls that took my breath away that it gave me a bit of hypoxia and yet…not one car was “bumped” – as it were – by the athletic equipment. Who knows? The Bible says that God cares about the larger aspects in our lives as well as the miniscule details. I think He was looking out for me. You know what they say, “Hell hath no fury like a dented-BMW owner…” – oh wait – no one says that…

It was through this experience that I realized – as many rules as Santa Monica has – they need one more:

“If your car cost you more than Amanda Sass’ gross annual salary, then you must rent a safe parking spot for it.”

In short: if your car is a status symbol, park it somewhere worthy of a status symbol – far away from the inferior cars, in a quiet, roomy garage. You know, where the general public can’t damage it playing soccer in a park.

PS – how ridiculous is this car? If it is the wave of the future, the future is lumpy and comically sad. It looks like the Michelin Man’s car.



emberblue says:

haha! I was thinking the same thing – that car looks like the Michelin Man!!! lol!

And I agree with the “unwritten rule” 100%!



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